ORCHESTRA - The Ends (2002) Program Notes:
A five-minute musical joke in the manner of P.D.Q. Bach,The Ends is, in the words of Washington Post critic Tim Page, "a piece that will not leave, concluding over and over again in the language of Strauss, Stravinsky, Schubert, Mahler and a half-dozen other composers... the longest, most elaborate bowing out in music after Beethoven's Fifth." In typical Bermel humor, The Ends has THREE POSSIBLE ENDINGS:
A 1) Conductor: Looks for the composer in the audience, and gestures for him to come to the stage for acknowledgement. 2) The composer arrives on stage, making a cut signal with hand on neck and pointing at the score. The composer makes embarrassed bows and hurries to consult the conductor. 3) The composer makes exasperated mixed-up gestures, implying that the roles of audience and orchestra are reversed. 4) The composer and the conductor walk off stage together arguing over the score.
B) A representative of the musician's union, still holding his/her instrument, comes to the front of the stage with a large (battery-operated) clock. The composer and the conductor walk off stage together, arguing over the score.
C) A janitor enters with a large broom and sweeps around the podium. The composer and the conductor are forced (swept?) offstage.